I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Randomize
