R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I could make wine with my vomit
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
