I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
