10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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