Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can't talk, ducks in the car
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
