He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
