I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
