even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need water and some morals
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
