I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
