you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
