Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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