she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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