wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
