i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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