You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
