is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
