he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
