Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
