i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
