I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
