So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
