my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
