i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
