So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
