His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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