his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
