I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
