the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
