Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
