dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
