I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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