Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
