my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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