based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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