escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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