I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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