so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
