Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
