summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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