epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
