the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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