Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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