Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All the doctor said was why
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
