My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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