he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
