my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
