so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
