So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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