We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
