i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
