One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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