My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
