She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
