it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
