Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
