and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
