This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
