a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
